all the things

im late with posting the blog this week because it has been quite a full one. all the places ive been and things ive done in just one week… i don’t know how im not more rattled. maybe its because im having the time of my life. get comfortable because this is going to be a long one, sorry if its not written in a *cooler* way, i just want to get all the updates out. so!:

after a lovely time in münster, i met up with milan at the train station who came to meet me so we could travel to berlin together. i felt a tightness in my chest at the thought of what i might experience there. berlin intimidated the hell out of me. but i was very excited too.

things got off to a slightly rough start when we accidentally got off the train one stop too early. maybe not a big deal usually, but quite detrimental to us making our next train. with about 30 minutes until its depart, we scrambled trying to call a taxi, order an uber, and look for any other trains that might get us close to where we needed to go. no answer for the taxi. uber comes in 15 minutes and its a 10 minute drive… hm. pushing it, but its our only hope! so we order the uber and just let it happen. he arrives. “we are in a hurry” i say to the driver, hoping he will speed for us. “no english” he says in return. cool. on the drive im feeling optimistic, perhaps naively, but all hope was instantly crushed when we got stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and watched our unmistakable lime green train pass by on the bridge. so, with our newly acquired time in hamm waiting for the next train a couples hours away, we decided to get some doner kebab. and honestly, it was some of the best ive ever had. one thing ive noticed throughout my journeys, is that absolutely nothing ever goes how you plan it. but most of the time it turns out way better than you think it might.

3 hours later, we were now in berlin; it was dark, the people were somehow all grimacing– my nerves continued to fizz inside me. we arrived at our hostel (my first ever hostel!) and rooming with us was someone around our age from sweden, and an old lady– interesting. this was home for the next 4 days.

berlin is expensive. milan and i started a tradition of getting the cheapest baked goods from the grocery store for breakfast every morning and cosplaying miserable berliners, sitting on some dirty steps and not smiling (but we actually were smiling because we are way too whimsical for this place). there are two things i learned very quickly about berlin: 1. it hates you. you have to pay for everything ever and way too much for it, there are way too few benches, and they also just shun you entirely on sundays. 2. i love it. and i cant really tell you why. this place is kind of like snowboarding for me; a love-hate relationship. sometimes it feels incredibly exciting, like a rush of aliveness– other times you remember you can catch your edge and fucking die. on multiple occasions i felt like i was in zaun from arcane.

im sure a lot of you guys heard, there was an attack at the berlin pride event. someone drove a van into the crowd, killing someone, severely injuring several. this was a two day event, the attack happened on the second day. milan and i were just at this event on the first day. hearing the news shocked me to my core. a sharp reminder of how unpredictable things can be. i felt so sad and angry for all the people there, and i felt incredibly grateful to not have been there, too.

the flip side to my time in berlin was shockingly ecstatic. absolutely amazing parties / clubs. i truly had the time of my life. the music was so incredible. getting lost for hours in these genuinely incredible musicians and djs was so effortless. one of the parties we went to was a very alternative, private event. it was on a boat, a pirate-y boat. everyones outfits were incredible. there was this one person in particular, who we decided to name “golothia the enchantress” she was dressed in something almost mummy-like, and would occasionally perform her appropriate dances / body movements for us. you could tell she loved the attention, and everyone loved giving it to her. there were so many artists and they were all awesome. one of the artists in particular, climbed onto a piano, then this piano was lifted into the air and hovered over the water. there was a mermaid swimming around beneath them. and then the artist ended their performance by jumping off the piano into the water– it was epic. (im going to make a little video compilation and share it here, when i find the time.)

the next night we went to a more commonly known club, which was having a special pride night. they make you put stickers on your phone cameras as no pictures or videos are allowed. you walk through a large, dark, and piss smelling area. long hallways and sudden corners. at the end of it, is a door to the outside where the dance floor is. its large and under a little roof which was ideal since it was drizzling. at this party, i got to experience the set of a dj i fell in love with. her music was such a creative combination of genres and each song had the ability to transport you. i think i had my eyes closed for the majority of the time, my brain shutting off and my body connecting with her music– it was awesome. this is honestly a dj that i would follow to another city just to listen to her again. after leaving the venue, we realised that there was a very long and dense trail of these stickers we had to cover our cameras with stuck to every surface for many blocks. i loved this concept and we decided to add a sticker ourselves. safe to say, berlin is a really good place for music and partying… perhaps that is the only thing is it good for– but worth it nonetheless.

after a lovely 4 nights in berlin, off i went to rome. it was suddenly very hot and i could barely understand anything. i made it to my hostel, which is where i met a new friend, zoe. zoe has blue hair, likes to hike, is from australia, and is fucking awesome. while we were talking, i realised she has a life is strange 2 tattoo on her arm (which is only one of my favourite video games in the entire world) a very special and insane thing. of course i started flipping out, i couldn’t believe it– she also had a really lovely minecraft tattoo. we talked for what was probably hours about all the things we had in common. it was quite unfortunate that i was only spending one night here, i wouldve loved to get to hang out with her more. but i think there may be walking the camino de santiago in spain together in our future.

in rome i had to do the obligatory touristy things, as i was only there for the day. i saw the colosseum, the pantheon, and some other shit. it was like objectively cool, but not the kind of thing that excites me. but now ive seen it! honestly, rome felt kind of lonely. it was a solidification for me that i enjoy the small, more intimate things.

the next day is when the real adventure began. i woke up early and started my lengthy journey through italy to a tiny village town in the mountains. i don’t even care to get into the absolutely pain and stress that was the transportation, but lets just say it took me over 7 hours, 2 trains, 2 busses, and a long car ride. i ended up stuck in this little town for a couple hours, but luckily it was pretty cool.

one part of the journey i must elaborate on is the car ride. after missing the last bus i needed to get to my destination, one of the owners of the community called on one of his friends to pick me up and bring me over. so after crashing out about watching the bus pass by front of me, i waited under a stop light for some random man to come pick up. franceso was his name. he eventually appears, and is waving at me from his window. this guy has a sick haircut, a gentle mohawky mullety thing of sorts. after some light conversation, he tells me that he has to pick up some friends on the way to a party, so we will do that first. im in for an interesting ride, i thought. we drove through some of the most breathtaking mountains, on narrow, winding roads where you need to honk the horn going around every turn to warn anyone coming from the opposite direction. we pull onto a shoulder, and he hops out and starts yelling a name--which im forgetting, and then disappears into the woods. he returns about 5 minutes later with a woman and a big, fluffy, white dog. they hop in the backseat and we start driving, off to pick up someone else. i start to learn that the woman in the backseat is awesome. she lives in rome but is in the mountains because she paraglides. she even invited me to go paragliding with her if the weather is right, which i really hope it is because i would definitely fucking do that. but actually, before picking up his next friend, we make another stop, this time at his house. he shows me around the property which was currently housing an entire scouts camp. it was insanely beautiful. i was thoroughly enjoying this journey. we pick up the second person near some river. and off we go, continuing through these epic mountains.

finally, i arrived at my destination, this little community where ill be doing volunteer work for the next ten days. its colorful, there is art everywhere. i immediately meet most of the other volunteers, something like 5 of them. theyre all women, and all very kind from the start. despite feeling really nervous and a bit a rattled from the long day, i could instantly feel a warmth and comfort in the presence of everyone. one girl, mielie (new special character unlocked) asked me if i wanted a tour. the space consists of a lot of very intentional spaces; a massive common room filled with all kinds of instruments, space for yoga or dancing or napping, a kitchen filled with dried herbs and flowers– a massive, woven basket, entirely full of sage. outside theres a firepit, lots of places to sit, a garden. pretty much anything you could ever ask for is here. there are two bedrooms, one with 4 or 5 single beds and another with 2 double beds. i opted for the one of the double beds, which made this room become “the american room” as it was now, fittingly, me and two other americans. their names are bel and maddie. theyre both into music and fashion, theyre silly and love to talk. the other volunteers are leah, an australian who has really loves dogs, stella, a brazilian who loves to dance and laugh, and one more who i met a little bit later, octavio, he is a brazilian, social diva. and apparently, this is the most full the house has been in quite some time– maybe ever.

now i have been here for 4 days. each day we have done something amazing. my first night there was that party that everyone was going to (the same party that the guy who gave me a ride was picking up his friends for.) it was unreal. hidden in this little nearby mountain village gathered maybe 50 or so people and children by a little river. everyone you walk by smiles at you and says ciao. theres– i couldnt even count– many, bottles of wine, a long table with all kind of delicious food. it was the most unreal place. so warm, and you could just tell it incredibly special. everyone knows each other, everyone hugs for a really long time, everyone talks to you like theyve been excitedly waiting to meet you their whole life. after being fed lots of wine and food, and lots of chatting with people there, mielie and i decided to sit off to the side together and watch the party. here we talked for hours– its safe to say we got on very well. we drank beer and watched the people sing and dance, admiring it all.

the next day after work, we all went to a river. here there were 20 or so people all lounging, talking, swimming, diving, climbing, jumping. the water is an almost glacial crystal blue color, there are jagged rocks along the entire backside of it, where people like to climb and jump from. the water was painfully cold, but so refreshing.

this night, wednesday night, was the last night of mielie, maddy, bel, and stella. it was unfortunate timing that we only got two days together– but they were an amazing two days. this environment is certainly a pressure cooker of sorts when it comes to bonding. so, despite it not being that long, it was a really heavy, sad feeling when they left. but mielie and i are in the process of making plans to meet up again soon, maybe in a month.

so now it was just me, leah, and octavio (who was only staying a couple more days). leah and i both ended up crying after everyone left. dramatic maybe, but we felt it strongly, the energy difference was jarring. i spent some time with maria (one of the owners) and octavio playing instruments and lying on the floor. after that we all went out to another river– it seemed there was a sense of trying to cheer us up. this river was also gorgeous like the last one. there were cliffs to jump from– and even though i was terrified at the idea, i knew i had to jump. maria was scared to jump too, so we jumped together after hyping ourselves up for what may have been forever. it felt amazing. something even took over me to decide to do it again but this time doing a front flip. fucking insane but deliciously thrilling. then leah and octavio followed. we were all scared of some aspect of it, and we all faced our fears together. it was lovely.

after that, we went to the nearest village and got some cookies and gelato (part of the cheering us up bit) and also hung out at a bar. it was at this bar that i tried my first aperol spritz! not gonna lie, it was kind of disgusting at first, but it got better the more the ice watered it down.

the volunteer work that i do during the day time has been a variety of things! so far i have built a trail, oiled a wooden loft, and sanded some wood. along with the usual household chores like doing the dishes after our meals. speaking of our meals… holy fucking shit. every single meal is absolutely incredible. theres mostly no talking while we eat, just a frequent hum of pleasure. before our meals, we sit for a moment in silence. the first time or so i didn’t really get it, wasnt into it. but after a few meals, i realised the quality of the food– now i fucking get it. taking that moment beforehand to really appreciate the food and whoever cooked it– all the love and fresh ingredients that we are so lucky to get to enjoy. im dead serious when i say the food is so good you might just cry.

here are some things i see every day to help paint the picture: the mountains outside my window, maria giving someone a hug for like 3 full minutes, michele (the other owner) playing the guitar in the common room, 7 stray cats that come and go, the cocker spaniel that lives across the street, people sitting and talking at the table, people giggling really hard over literally nothing, dancing, playing, oh and also scorpions.

sorry for taking so long to write this but i think its understandable :> im feeling very happy. im feeling a lot closer to realising what versions of life i could live and which ones make me the happiest, as well as being around so different kinds of people and learning how many amazing humans– with qualities you never knew were real, there are out there that we can have these unspoken connections with. this shit is so beautiful, guys. sorry not sorry for being sappy.

next week should be a normal length, on time post. take care <3 maybe do something courageous today, just for funsies.